A legal joke for a nightcap

A Legal joke

The blogger Smalltalk sent Sakmongkol a joke.

It ran something like this.

A prominent politician went to see a doctor for a brain scan. The doctor told the politician- your brain is divided into two parts- left and right.

The left part has nothing right in it.

The right part, has nothing left in it.

Now, Smalltalk is a lawyer by profession. Because one good measure deserves another, sakmongkol wants to share with him a legal joke. Sakmongkol got this sometime in 1991. He has kept it in an old file. It goes something like this.

One evening, after attending the theater, two gentlemen were walking down the avenue when they observed a rather well dressed and attractive young lady walking ahead of them. One of them turned to the other and remarked, "I'd give
$50.00 to spend the night with that woman." Much to their surprise, the young lady overheard the remark, turned around, and replied, "I'll take you up on that." She had a neat appearance and a pleasant voice, so after bidding his
companion good night, the man accompanied the young lady to her apartment. The following morning, the man presented her with $25. 00 as he prepared to leave.
She demanded the rest of the money, stating: "If you don't give me the other $25.00, I'll sue you for it." He laughed, saying: "I'd like to see you get it on these grounds."

The next day he was surprised when he received a summons ordering his presence in court as a defendant in a lawsuit. He hurried to his lawyer and explained the details of the case. His lawyer said: "She can't possibly get a judgment against you on such grounds, but it will be interesting to see how her case will be presented."

After the usual preliminaries, the lady's lawyer addressed the court as follows: "Your honor, my client, this lady, is the owner of a piece of property, a garden spot, surrounded by a profuse growth of shrubbery, which property she agreed to rent to the defendant for a specified length of time for the sum of $50.00. The defendant took possession of the property, used it extensively for the purpose for which it was rented, but upon evacuating the premises, he paid only $25.00, one-half the amount agreed upon. The rent was not excessive, since
it is restricted property, and we ask judgment be granted against the defendant to assure payment of the balance." The defendant's lawyer was impressed and amused by the way his opponent had presented the case. His defense, therefore,
was somewhat different from the way he originally planned to present it.

"Your honor," he said, "My client agrees that the lady has a fine piece of property, that he did rent such property for a time, and a degree of pleasure was derived from the transaction. However, my client found a well on the property around which he placed his own stones, sunk a shaft, and erected a pump, all labor
performed personally by him. We claim these improvements to the property were sufficient to offset the unpaid amount, and that the plaintiff was adequately compensated for rental of said property. We, therefore, ask that judgment not be granted." The young lady's lawyer answered thusly: "Your honor, my client
agrees that the defendant did find a well on her property. However, had the defendant not known that the well existed, he would never have rented the property. Also, upon evacuating the premises, the defendant removed the stones,
pulled out the shaft, and took the pump with him. In doing so, he not only dragged the equipment through the shrubbery, but left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy, making the property much less desirable to others. We, therefore, ask that judgment be granted." And it was. She won the case...

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Our Leo Amery and Winston Churchill

A question of Leadership

By: sakmongkol

How does Sakmongkol see Pak Lah as prime minister?. Sakmongkol is sure Pak Lah is a nice man with gentlemanly mannerisms. At least that is the image he generates.

It is in politics that Sakmongkol sees Pak Lah in a different light. In previous articles, Sakmongkol has said that Pak Lah has caught on the Morarji Desai syndrome.

Please don’t be offended. Sakmongkol thinks Morarji Desai was a very good person. He became India’s PM at a very ripe old age of 82. After becoming the PM, Morarji Desai let everything go. He allowed the reins of government be run by his other ministers. In the meantime, he indulged in his esoteric practices living the life on ascetic politician, weaving loincloth and practising his famous urine therapy.

Who is Sakmongkol to say the therapy is wrong? Malays have some curious medicinal practices. A common practice among older Malays is to collect goat droppings, have them roasted and administer them to those suffering from asthma. And it works. Sakmongkol once saw a Chineseman down a tiny still squirming mice with Samsu. (sic)

The problem was: Morarji Desai failed to do the one thing that is most crucial- provide leadership.

Sakmongkol was watching the History Channel. It was a program on Churchill. Then the name Oliver Cromwell was mentioned. Sakmongkol’s memory quickly flashed to the film starring Richard Harris as Cromwell and Alec Guinness as Charles 1 who was later to be beheaded. Off with his head, they said.

During the rise of Hitler in Germany , Britain under Neville Chamberlain adopted a policy of appeasement. Neville Chamberlain failed to provide the leadership that Great Britain needed then. He was incompetent and appeared to have lost control of everything around him.

Sadly, that is how Sakmongkol sees Pak Lah. Chamberlain, from his pictures looked a very personable fellow. Just like Pak Lah. But he failed to provide leadership. Just like Pak lah.

Leo Amery was a politician and a close friend of Chamberlain. One day in parliament, he rose, set himself directly in front of Chamberlain and quoted Oliver Cromwell:-

You have sat too long here for any good you have been doing. Depart, I say, and let us have done with you. In the name of God, go

Muhyiddin is a copy of Leo Amery. He has said what others dared not.

But, who replaced Chamberlain? Winston Churchill. Will our own Winston Churchill now rise and give us what this country now needs? LEADERSHIP.

At the moment, only one person speaks of leadership:-

“I am not looking for a job or power. I am offering leadership so the country can rise to the challenges of a globalised economy,” said Tengku Razaleigh, who condemns the Umno leadership’s transitional plan as undemocratic.

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Komrad Kassim

Whenever, sakmongkol wants to recharge his intellectual batteries, he will read some books. If he wants to be combative, his will read Francis Seow. If he wants to enjoy the English Language, he will read Mat Bangkai, Elviza and of course, Zaharan Razak.

One book that Sakmongkol always treasure is Kemarau di Lembah. Drought in the valley.

This morning, he has been searching high and low for his first print copy of kemarau di lembah. It is written by Kassim Ahmad. Sakmongkol affectionately refers him as Komrad Kassim( comrade Kassim).

That moniker is a throwback to his past when komrad Kassim dabbled with scientific socialism. Sakmongkol’s own forays into scientific socialism can in some ways be attributed to this dear komrad.

Sakmongkol first met or saw komrad Kassim in 1974 when he was campaigning as a candidate for the PSRM in Kemaman, when Sakmongkol entered UM in 1976, (when UM was still a highly ranked university), Sakmongkol saw Komrad Kassim more as he was a frequent speaker at the debate circuits. He was liked by all races.

He has been a prolific writer. He writes very well in both Bahasa Melayu and English. Sakmongkol of course is under qualified to assess komrad Kassim. Other literary luminaries are better at that. He is an inspiration to anyone. He is not a fiery speaker though. But that quality is not necessary. His writings reveal his rapier sharp intelligence.

Sakmongkol hears the latest book he wrote is something about Jalan Pulang. Sakmongkol understands that the book is about kassim’s rediscovery of Islam. Hishamudin Rais, the dyed in the wool socialist or whatever he fancies himself to be these days, has written un unflattering commentary on Kassim’s comeback. He is entitled to his views.

In the meantime, where the hell is that book? Sakmongkol knows it is out of print. Cant rely on DBP to have copies of it.

Oh well, Sakmongkol searches hard into his subconscious and can only remember these lines:-

Berikan aku lidah

Aku mahu berkata kata

Bagaikan ombak yang menghempas

Pantai yang merdeka

Aku akan pergi

Dengan seribu jebat si anak tani

Sekian lama kita mati dalam setia

Kali ini kita hidup dalam durhaka..

The last two lines have always generate a poignant effect on Sakmongkol. Something like that. Don’t know why these lines have stuck in Sakmongkol’s memory since 1975. man, that’s so Jurassic.

Thank you, komrad Kassim.

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Hired Assassins from Mediaworld

Kickdefella has been accused of many things. He is said to be a hired assassin. Sakmongkol has given his views on the virulent attacks on thisfella.

He has been condemned especially because he has some nasty things to say of Dato Najib. Najib at the moment is sacrosanct. He is, to borrow the words of Shabery Cheek, a lembu suci.

At the moment, Najib is almost pure. He is like a virgin, who must never be deflowered. More so by a budu eating blogger. Sakmongkol’s friend, Dongtalk, has a different meaning of BUDU. Readers are invited to read the blog Smalltalk on what BUDU means.

Almost everyone else seem to be adopting a common strategy of less said about Najib, the better. This is very strange. As a diversionary strategy, now hear this people!- paid assassins from the other side, are using the ancient Chinese stratagem of Li dai tao jiang- sacrifice the plum tree for the peach tree.

Obviously, the peach tree which must be protected is Dato Najib. The plum tree can be any fool who are dispensable. Zahid Hamidi, the professed Ghurkha of Dato Najib has exuberantly volunteered to take the heat away from his master. Many years ago, in 1995 to be exact, Zahid Hamidi went on stage in the dewan in Pekan and declared, rather conceitedly, that he is Dato Najib’s Ghurka.

The stage is set for a grueling battle royale. It is painted so. It will be treated as such in the next few days. People will form the impression that the number 2 position is more important than number 1. indeed many fools are doing exactly that. Except for Muhyiddin. He is not a fool.

Many people are going for the deputy presidents post. The haste by which everyone seems to signal their intentions can only mean that Pak lah will decline any offers to run as UMNO president.

The room is about to be crowded for the deputy president’s post. We must assume that Pak Lah will give in, despite the disavowals, prayers and entreaties of Messrs. Khairi, Kamal and Nana Reezal.

Sakmongkol has only this question to ask? Why has there been silence on the post of president? The answer it seems, is that it appears there is a conspiracy of sorts to take the heat off the top post. Every journalist worth their miserable salt, as if on cue, veers away from discussing the top post. This has the effect of drawing attention away from the only post that matters in UMNO- the president’s post.

This avoidance will take the heat off Dato Najib. Needless to say, the less said about the top post the better. Therefore, as if in concert, people will concentrate on the number 2 post and hope those uninitiated, the mindless UMNO rank and file, the UMNO John Q’s, will fix their attention to the number 2 post. Hello! The number 2 post is only ceremonial. The real deal is the number 1 post.

What is the best red herring? By elevating the importance of the number 2 post. By doing an artful smokescreen. Those personalities eager to secure the number 2 position are given extra attention. The whole idea actually, is to make things easy for Dato Najib.Enter the hired assassins from mediaworld.

Today, in the star, the journalist Jocelyn Tan offered her take on the race for deputy’s president’s post. She has portrayed Zahid Hamidi, the first to announce his stupidity, as a most LIKEABLE person. Now Sakmomgkol knows J. Tan uses spectacles. But by saying that Zahid, the satay seller and street mugger is likeable, she must be using blinkers.

Perhaps readers should know, that when J. Tan writes glowingly of Zahid, who was once the political secretary of Dato Najib, she may in fact may have been prodded on by Najib’s people. Not many people can ignore the fact that J Tan has been covering Najib and his spouse for a long time. Judging from the adulatory coverage given to the two, one would be forgiven for thinking that J Tan is on retainer by Najib and company. Now, let’s hear people say she is getting kickbacks. Sakmomngkol wants to hear it from the quick draw McGraws.

J. Tan is on all counts, a female attack dog from Najib’s kennel. A dog’s bite, irrespective of gender, is painful. But sangmongkol is also aware that a female dog is also called a bitch. Therefore, if Sakmongkol is feeling mean, he will say that J tan is the attack bitch of Najib and company. And today, Sakmongkol is feeling mangy.

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A Question of Leadership

Sakmongkol reads the following passages from the Malaysian Insider. It is about Dato Najib.

But this trend can be bucked when Najib takes over the mantle of UMNO and the leadership of the country in March. He can turn many of the non-believers around. How? By concentrating on what is good for the country and not his political party. By being:-

1. unconventional in his thinking.
2. By avoiding safe choices.
3. By being decisive.

What does Sakmongkol think of this? He can only say, hahaha. Is this writer writing about Dato Najib in his dream world or what?

Dato Najib’s singular leadership trait is being a stickler to tradition. The elevated and made exalted tradition of the free loader and layabouts. One needs to look at his history to judge whether Dato Najib can be unconventional or otherwise.

Notwithstanding his claims that he learnt about the noble ideals of leadership from the father, he:-

1. Became an MP for Pekan in 1976 by default- the father died.
2. Became a deputy minister- because uncle Hussein Onn patronised him
3. Became deputy UMNO youth and later UMNO youth head- by default also because the current scourge of UMNO, that indefatigable Anwar Bin Ibrahim allowed him to.
4. Became UMNO vice president- again because he latched onto the Anwar bandwagon( so did Mat Taib and Muhyiddin for that matter)
5. Became Deputy President because Tun Mahathir prodded Abdullah Badawi.
6. He has even declared his undying trust in the UMNO tradition. UMNO tradition is pogrom at the lower levels of leadership, serenity at the top. That’s tradition for you.

Dato Najib takes risks? This is most laughable. In his own backyard, he was willing to sacrifice winnable candidates just because some obscure and dubious reports say that his majority might be compromised. He took the easy way out. In his bahagian, practising the UMNO tradition of serenity at the top, pogrom at the bottom, he has never let it known who his preferences are. The result: The UMNO bahagian Pekan is always in turmoil.

By nature, Najib is a timorous soul. Courage has deserted him, having been snatched away by the baneful influences of power and easy living.

Decisive? How can he be decisive if he has no courage?

Dato Najib can only win by being what he always is- Janus Faced. He will say he intends to do good for the country. But then, as you are more aware, the road to hell is always paved with good intentions.

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learning from the master: some Confucian traits of Leadership?

In a few months, UMNO members will select their leaders. Some will go on to become leaders of the country. We hope they are the best of the lot. It is imperative for UMNO members to select carefully. The leaders we select reflect our own class/quality.

It is worthwhile to remember, that in selecting leaders, we choose them based on their abilities.

Quickness of tongue is not a particularly high leadership characteristic. In most cases it is not required. Quickness of tongue, acerbic, sarcastic will only invoke hatred and contempt.

So when Zahid Hamidi, who is readily inclined to acerbic repartees, declares that the grassroots want him to contest for deputy president, we ask, which section of the grassroots? The riffraff? The combative and easily given to temperamental conflagrations? People who will fly off the handle and are easily aroused to go physical if they cannot win arguments? Yes, Zahid will like this kind.

Instead UMNO members should look for 3 characteristics of good leadership.

1. Decisiveness.
2. Intelligence
3. Talented.

In a fast changing world, we want leaders who are decisive. Because decisiveness imparts a sense of confidence and mental solidity. It reflects command of any given situation.

Decisiveness also reflects determination and application of the mind to a given task. That in turn generates all round confidence and a sense of urgency. A person who is indecisive, hiding behind the over rated virtue of consensus building, shillying and shallying, wavering can only generate loss of confidence in the leadership. It means matters of state cannot be resolved promptly. It will also mean, such a person, is likely to be accommodative, compromising most of the times and prone to playing to the gallery.

Most of all, decisiveness reflect inner courage. Of all characteristics of a good leadership, courage occupies the top position. From courage emanates all other leadership qualities.

Naturally, we want leaders who are intelligent. it helps if we have a leader where it is not necessary to go over and over again over some matters before he can understand them. It is also self defeating to have brainy assistants around on levels 4 or 5, if the leader does not have the mental ability to administer them.

To have a talented leader is best of all. If he is multi talented, this means he can master any given situation quickly.

Muhyiddin has shown some of the characteristics recently. His readiness to go against the grain by agitating a faster change in leadership, shows he has decisiveness. He has shown great courage to criticise the weak leadership of our PM and by extension, the DPM. He is to a large extent, an intelligent enough leader. We assume that he has sufficient talent that has enabled him to be placed in different ministries.

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Amazing Race UMNO

Tan Sri Muhyiddin says he will wait for Pak Lah to make his decision. To defend the president’s post or hand it over to Najib. While he is mulling over his own earth shattering decision, the one time coffee boy to Najib, Zahid Hamidi had decided to go for the deputy president’s post.

When Zahid decides to contest the deputy president’s post, he does two things. First it is Najib who talks through Zahid. What Zahid is saying is, Najib is going for number 1. Secondly, Zahid’s announcement leaves Muhyidin out of Najib’s select group.

Muhyiddin must have been calculating that Pak Lah will hand over to Najib. Najib then becomes the pemangku president pending his validation by the UMNO GA in march 2009. that would leave the position of deputy president vacant.

What will Najib do? He will play the statesman to the hilt, saying that he will NOT take sides. Yet he will quietly support Zahid Hamidi because he feels more comfortable with Zahid Hamidi than Muhyidin.

In the end, Muhyidin will find himself out of the game having been outmanoeuvred by Najib and his people. Zahid Hamidi wouldn’t want to enter the fray if he has not got some encouragement elsewhere. You can be sure, in inducing Zahid to go for the deputy’s post, JJ has a prominent role in this game of white spy vs, black spy. JJ and Najib’s people see an opportunity to eliminate all potential rivals as Najib’s ascension looms.

How will Muhyidin play the game now? He will have no other choice other than offering himself as deputy president. You think Zahid would want to offer himself deputy against Najib without knowing that Najib is going upstairs? He must be privy to the real contents of the discussion between Pak Lah and Najib. If Muhyiddin as vice president does not know, it can mean that he is out of Najib’s equation. He has no future under Najib. Can any one imagine Zahid Hamidi going against Najib?

Muhyidin must now re-strategise. He will have no option other than contesting for the deputy president’s post. He should interpret Zahid Hamidi’s bid for the DP as a signal that Najib intends to sideline him. He must therefore fight back.

Or he can decide to go for broke and contest the president’s post because the agreement between the president and deputy president is not binding on anyone.

If he offers himself as president he can always justify it by saying, that post is vacant anyway.

Or he can ally himself with Tengku Razaleigh Hamzah and offer Malaysia a better future.

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