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Sakmongkol ak 47

Wednesday, 19 November 2008

Cows as Business Measure

Sometime ago, the very interesting to read blogger, katakama wrote an article titled Holy Cow. Sakmongkol has written years ago( in Blogtime)- 12 articles constitute a Blogyear that katakama or Puteri Kamaliah’s blog should be visited often if people want to learn the English Language. You can actually enjoy learning the language. Sakmongkol’s better half, Mamasita, is a fan.

Anyway, when katakama wrote the Holy Cow article, Sakmongkol has found cows can actually be a good indicator for business efficiency. You be the judge.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. They are mad. They die. Pass the shepherd's pie, please.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you. You charge others for storing them.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship both of them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman who reported on them.

AN ISRAELI CORPORATION: There are these two Jewish cows, right? They open a milk factory, an ice cream store, and then sell the movie rights. They send their calves to Harvard to become doctors. So, who needs people?


walla 19 November 2008 at 10:12  

How about these too? ;P

You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a politician, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet is provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, throws the milk away and then gives you a rebate to buy two more cows and repeat the cycle.

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows. They take your oil.

You have no cows but people accept you as an expert on them because your employer says you are. Your client whose cows are dying asks you to say nice things about his cows so he can sell them. You tout them in exchange for money to buy the healthiest cows you can find. Before you buy them you tell people they are dying to drive down the price.

You have two cows. So does your neighbor. Yours give great milk but milk is cheap. He makes great cheese and it's expensive. You borrow from a banker to buy his cheese, using your cows as collateral. Your cows get sick and you pay a veterinarian instead of the banker. The banker seizes your cows and finances them for your neighbor's cows. The seizure is faster and the financing terms are more lenient if they golf together. If the neighbor is from a different political faction, you will believe he made your cows sick. If he is from a different political party, you will be certain he did.

You have two cows. You sell both, lease them back, and build a herd by artificial insemination. You stage an IPO and use the proceeds to buy everyone else's herd. When you control all you can of the dairy market, you do the same in every other country where you can get away with it, channeling your income to the country with the lowest taxes. You pay your CEO more than that country's annual GDP.

You have no cows. Neither do your constituents. You attend Parliament. And talk until the cows come home.

de minimis 19 November 2008 at 12:11  


This post slayed me completely. It is a good way to keep me alive and in good cheer in mid-week. Excellent :D

Anonymous,  19 November 2008 at 13:27  

Malaysian Corporation
You have 2 cow, Umno drink all the milk, eat all their meat and when there are no cow left blame it on the non-bumi

Pahang Jati 19 November 2008 at 14:29  

We, Anak Pahang Jati will monitor your blog. We support the truth!

Kama At-Tarawis 19 November 2008 at 15:19  

Waduh! What an honour it is to have been singled out by Sakmongkol for such an inane posting! Muchas gracias for making my day...:)

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