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Sakmongkol ak 47

ariff.sabri@gmail.com

Wednesday, 21 January 2009

A Touch of Sarcasm

I want to be boastful today. I make no apologies for that if it offends other people.

I can do a better job that that fellow who heads Khazanah. He lost money. I can do a better job than that fellow who lost money in TNB. You have a monopoly, yet you still lose money. You are no different that the Ah Bengs who run the various GLCs. Are you an accountant? Just a bean counter. An engineer? Just a glorified pomen. An economist? Another who didn’t qualify as accountant.

The government says in 2008, Khazanah’s investment portfolio declined with the overall portfolio realisable asset value (RAV) at RM70.4bil as at Dec 31 against RM88.2bil at May 31. In simple terms we have lost RM 18 billion. You can always come up with some cock-and bull-reasoning such as “ it was in line with the sharp decline in asset values globally and domestically,”

Azman said. Azman is the boss of Khazanah. Another bean counter bites the dust.

TNB, formerly known by many names- CEB, NEB, LLN lost how much? RM944 million. It says it made RM 942million operating profit. Bagus lah tu Che. But then you also admitted you made a FOREX loss of RM1.439 billion. This means, your next loss is RM1.43b- RM 0.9b, plus all the other losses arising from other business inefficiencies, you are left with a loss of RM944.0 million.

You have the audacity to come up with a circuitous reasoning to say

“We have been affected not only by our exposure to a basket of foreign currency debt but also the higher cost of settling our coal and equipment purchases denominated in US dollars,’’ said TNB president/CEO Datuk Seri Che Khalib Mohamad Noh after announcing TNB’s financial results yesterday.

Gentlemen, we have reached a stage, where every layman in this country thinks he can run any GLC better than these fat cats. And they are probably right.

So I demand:-

The gomen of Pahang gives me 10, 000 acres of land in Pahang. I want to plant palm oil and other crops raise livestock or whatever. If I fumble, who cares, the GLCs in Pahang are not run properly too. I know I can do a better job than them.

Why the f**k should I be given the land? You can use the same reason as to how IOI got land in Pahang which once belonged to LKPP. The same reason how Berjaya got the Tioman Resort which once, again, belonged to LKPP. Shit. This LKPP keeps coming on my radar screen.

Where will you get the money to run the plantations? Why don’t you lend it to me? You have caused money to be given to PKNP to make wires in South Africa. PKNP lost almost RM200 million there. You have caused money to be given to PKNP to buy some decrepit brick making factories which the friendly Ah Chong say were good buys. Another RM 100 million gone.

Why wouldn’t you give me the land? You have given PASDEC, the land at the former transit quarters where I lived as a small boy. And what did PASDEC get? Only 16% of the value. Even the makcik in Kampung Jaya Gading negotiates for a 10:2.5 rate to develop her property. And here PASDEC agreed to get 16%.

So don’t hesitate, give me the 10,000 acres. You want me to submit a working paper to UPEN? No big deal. I will say I am using PFI. You know those people in UPEN are still struggling with this concept? Never mind, as long as in the end, the money comes from you. That, IS PFI. EPF got plenty of money what. It said it has RM360b and only a miniscule amount invested in real property. Ok, I will build one airport there within the 10,000 acres and maybe a heart centre. Maybe I will build a resort and spa there, no?

I also demand the Pahang gomen asked the Federal gomen to appoint me as the main contractor to build the airport at Labu. After that, I will parcel out all the small jobs to all class F contractors. I will also do it through a second lottery like lucky draw. If you want me to invite the DPM to officiate it, I will go to his house at Putrajaya. I am sure his ex ADUN can gain easier entry mindful of the fact that Saiful fellow was given one. Plus I don’t have to make the mamak ex sprinter my godmother, god sister or whatever. If Brunsfield can do it, I can too. Biasalah- I will appoint subcontractors who will appoint his subcontractor.

After that, even if I make losses, I am sure I can up with some fairytale reasoning. And I will remember to use the accountant’s reasoning to explain the losses. I end this article with a joke about accountants which I googled.

Accountant and farmer

A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep. Stopping to rest, he tells the shepherd, "I will bet you $100 against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."

The shepherd thinks it over. It's a big flock, so he takes the bet.

The man looks around and answers, "869." The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.

The shepherd says, "Okay, I'm a man of my word, take an animal." The man picks one up and begins to walk away.

"Wait," cries the shepherd, "let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation." The man agrees.

"You are an accountant for the government," says the shepherd.

"Amazing!" responds the man. "You are exactly right! But tell me, how did you deduce that?"

"Well," says the shepherd, "put down my DOG and I will tell you."

At last, I have solved the mystery why a sheep of a problem is explained by a dog of a reasoning.





15 comments:

Peter,  21 January 2009 at 18:45  

The matter of fact is Government should never never had indulged into business. Those areas are meant for the people. They take the risk and they earn the money.

When the government takes over and participate in businesses not only it deprives private enterprise but breeds a ton of corruption resulting in loss for that GLC and people's money. If it had been a private venture that undertake that busines instead of a GLC , perhaps we would have giants like SONY, TOSHIBA etc.

What do we get? All failures run by salaries staff earning a few thousand a month controlling billions of money in their hands... ? You know when monkeys are in charge of bananas what do you think will happen to the bananas?

All these started during TDM's time. From then on, local businesses never grew while the GLCs became milking cows for the cronies.

Today can Malaysia claim anything great? or rather loses to the small little red dot in almost everything?

That is the price of the excuse we called "NEP"

We reap what we sow... and if this goes on how much can Malaysia stand? Phillipines was rich onces... what is she today?

de minimis 21 January 2009 at 18:54  

Ouch! The sting of Sak's sarcasm is very biting indeed! I would not want to be at the short end of your whip, sir.

walla 21 January 2009 at 18:59  

I thought TNB had bought the coal mine near Banjarmasin in Kalimantan. If they had bought the mine years back, why are they paying for their own coal? And anyone who knows about coal deposits in that place will tell you that running parallel near the surface, the coal seams can be easily extracted using excavators and then loaded onto dump-trucks which then go to port and empty into barges which travel direct to our ports.

As for people wanting to use our EPF money to finance an airport, then the brokers fee to commission the financing plus the premium pricing of the land because of surrounding development should percolate back into the EPF fund, that is, if the rakyat will agree to be screwed a second time by the aviation industry. In other words, the one who holds the cash must dictate the terms. This is rakyats' money.

Lastly, RM18 BILLi0N?! where's the
'Value, Capped'?

Zawi 21 January 2009 at 19:02  

It is scary to see the GLCs losing so much money. As usual nothing will be done to address the problems.
Fortunately the joke lighten the heavy heart after looking at the ugly scenario at some of the GLCs.

straycat's strut 21 January 2009 at 19:04  

Dato', that's not boasting. Its obvious and I believe you. Its not that difficult to make a company to lose money. Not just GLC, my office boy happen to think that he can do a better job then Pak Lah in running the country and you know what, I have nothing to argue.

And Peter, my neighbour has a very ugly daughter and he is blaming Tun Mahathir too.

satD 21 January 2009 at 19:28  

Dato can i tumpang tanam jagung (will pay TOL rate to u)

Jed Yoong 21 January 2009 at 21:09  

as much as you are free to express your views as a citizen, you are not a qualified bean counter or financial analyst. or are you?
i seriously doubt you have any authority to analyse numbers/accounts/financial results....
best to get qualified to add to your credibility....or did you fail maths?

sakmongkol AK47 21 January 2009 at 22:00  

jed yoong,
normally i would just let this kind of spiteful derision go through. how the hell can you prejudge whether i can analyse financial statements, read accounts or numbers?. bring them on so that i can tell you what you have not learned before. what's so special about churning numbers or carrying out financial analyses? how do you know i dont know how to?
are you in the habit of picking fights with people?

confuseus 21 January 2009 at 22:58  

Very nice. I like it when you talk dirty in economics.

Yes, if Pak Lah can be a PM, everybody is more than qualified to be the next PM...and, the same rational can be applied to Khazanah and all GLCs.

"SAY NO TO A SNAP ELECTION"

satD 22 January 2009 at 00:08  

Halo Jed

Wat happen ma? Husam tak layan u ke?

And btw who says u need to pass maths to analyse numbers/accounts/financial etc....

Makcik jual goreng pisang pun tau UNTUNG ATAU RUGI MA!!!!

Modal 3 keping kertas merah

Beli pisang pakai 1 keping kertas hijau, beli tepung pakai 1 keping kertas biru,Minyak 1 keping kertas biru, tepung 1 keping kertas biru

1 Hijau, 3 Biru

Kertas bungkus free

Jual pisang hari ini dapat 2 keping hijau, pisang habis, tepung boleh pakai 2 hari lagi, minyak 1 minggu boleh tahan...

Kalau lu tera maths 1 minggu production non stop berapa untung Jed

Anonymous,  22 January 2009 at 02:06  

Dear Sak,

I seriously urged you to apply for the 10,000 acres of land in Pahang.
I will offer to help you to develop a managed the land into an oil palm plantation for free.

But we will create an investment scheme where we sell a quarter acre of the land for RM5,000.00 per lot. We will guarantee the investor a yearly yield of 8% for the first 5 years and and subsequent returns wil be based on the market price of CPO.

You only need to pay me 5% of the total plot sales revenue.

satD 22 January 2009 at 02:25  

Anon

MCIS was selling the same scheme in the 70's

u insurance agent ke?

MikeLing 22 January 2009 at 09:40  

Salam Dato Sak,
This AK47 hits bulleyes with every bullet. Too bad they left you to rust. take care and happy holidays.

Navi 22 January 2009 at 09:55  

Great wit Dato. I love your humour.

Are You Gonna Go My Way,  22 January 2009 at 14:10  

hahaha...hello Jed,

Mr Sak is a qualified person okay...I've met him before...no need to elaborate..maa.

BTW Mr Sak, I did ask FELCRA to give me the land in jln semarak..so me and group of friends made all the necessary proposal, paper, presentation etc...the value of the land at that time was about RM99Million...so I made proposal befitting a RM99Million worth of land.

Of course I didn't get that land..

In the end..they rent it to a car dealer that pays RM4,000 per month.....

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