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Sakmongkol ak 47

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Tuesday, 30 December 2008

Just Shitting Along

Here are two jokes about bullshit. The second one I heard many years ago when working with Shell Malaysia told by an always wise cracking personnel officer. Decided to ‘drop’ by A Tabib’s blog and hence these jokes.

Bull Shit

A turkey was chatting with a bull.

'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.'

'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.


He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:
BullShit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there..

Once upon a time there was a nonconforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for the winter. However, soon the weather turned so cold that he reluctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard, almost frozen. A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end. But the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings. Warm and happy, able to breathe, he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and, hearing the chirping, investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the manure, found the chirping bird, and promptly ate him.

The Moral Of The Story
1) Everyone who shits on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2) Everyone who gets you out of the shit is not necessarily your friend.
3) And if you're warm and happy in a pile of shit, keep your mouth shut.

4 comments:

Al Nimr 30 December 2008 at 09:23  
This comment has been removed by the author.
Al Nimr 30 December 2008 at 09:25  

Great shit, Dato!

On the other hand,

Bullshit (or cow dung) has been used for ages for cooking...my mum told me how as a kid they used to collect the patties to use as fuel to masak in her kampung in Punjab.

Farms in Europe now collect the shit, convert it into methane and use it to power the generators that run the farms. It is a stable, renewable and environmentally friendly source of energy.

A little shit can go a long way, Dato!

And that's no shit, I tell ya.

A Tabib 30 December 2008 at 23:29  

Thanks for dropping by AK47.

You forgot this one (also an old joke).

A tourist visited Spain and while walking around town he decided to get something to eat at a restaurant close to a bullring.

Entering the rather pleasant looking establishment, he was quickly ushered by a waiter to a table and presented with the menu. Not being in the mood to struggle over unfamiliar food items, he just asked the waiter for the house special.

The waiter smiled broadly and said, "Good choice, if I may say so senor. You are very lucky senor because we happen to have it today. Our special is very popular and we only have a limited supply."

The waiter soon reappeard with a dish that looked like potatoes covered with brown sauce. The tourist took a bite and it was delicious. Tender with just right amount of seasoning. He finished it with relish.

At the end of the meal, he beckoned the waiter over and enquired about the delicious meal. "We have a deal with the bullring, senor, and they send certain parts of the bulls that are killed by the matadors in the bullfights to us. The dish you just had is bull's testicles."

The tourist paid up and left saying he loved the meal and that he'll come for the testicles again.

This he did for three days and he left happy every time. On the day before he was due to leave the country, he dropped in for a final meal of testicles.

He sat down at his now regular table and immediately the waiter brought his favourite dish. He dug into the meal but couldn't help noticing that something about the dish was different.

He called the waiter over saying that he thought the texture was different. It was a bit rubbery.

"Young bull ?"

"Ah, no, senor" replied the waiter sheepishly, "sometimes the bull wins."

An-Nimr 31 December 2008 at 10:28  

See Doc,

Your joke proved about men being tough nuts to crack, in this case..."chewy"...hehehe...ewww!

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